I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
