Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
