see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
