well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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