I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
