so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
