so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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