I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
