I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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