dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
