Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
