i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
