I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
