just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
