I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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