thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
