her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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