All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
