So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
