Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
