Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
