i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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