I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
