Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
