I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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