i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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