Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
