No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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