I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
