I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
