Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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