my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
