i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
