he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
