Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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