I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
