Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
