Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
