Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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