the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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