Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
