So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
