Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
