I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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