Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
