My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
