Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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