Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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