During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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