Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
