Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
