VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
