his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
