Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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