I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
