Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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