They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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