WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize