I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
