Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
