I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
