Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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