brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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