your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
