Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
