Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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