ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will be naked everywhere
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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