I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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