It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
