At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
